DICTIONARY FOR..............

[jayburd]

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN WHO PLACE PERSONAL ADS ON THE INTERNET!

Ø 40-ish.................49.
Ø Adventurous........Slept with everyone.
Ø Athletic...............No boobs
Ø Average looking...Moooo.
Ø Beautiful.............Pathological liar.
Ø Emotionally Secure.......On medication.
Ø Feminist..............Fat.
Ø Free Spirit...........Junkie.
Ø Friendship first.....Former ****.
Ø New-Age...Body hair in the wrong places.
Ø Old-fashioned.......No B.J.'s
Ø Open-minded........Desperate.
Ø Outgoing..............Loud & embarrassing.
Ø Professional..........Bitch.
Ø Voluptuous...........Very fat.
Ø Large frame..........Hugely fat.
Ø Wants soul mate...Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø Yes..........................No
Ø No...... ...................Yes
Ø Maybe......................No
Ø We need...................I want
Ø I am sorry.................You'll be sorry
Ø We need to talk.........You're in trouble
Ø Sure, go ahead..........You better not

Ø Do what you want.......you'll pay for this later
Ø I am not upset...Of course, I am upset, you moron!
Ø You're attentive tonight.........Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

Ø I am hungry..............I am hungry
Ø I am sleepy................I am sleepy
Ø I am tired..................I am tired
Ø Nice dress.................Nice cleavage!
Ø I love you.................Let's have sex now
Ø I am bored......Do you want to have sex?
Ø May I have this dance?....I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Can I call you sometime?...I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Do you want to go to a movie?..I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø Can I take you out to dinner?....I'd like to have sex with you.
Ø I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay