The Rules

[countrygirl]

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. This merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.



Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects.



Here is a guide to the points system:



SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed............................................... ..............+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..-1

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....................-2

You leave the toilet seat up................................................ .-5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty................+5

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex..-1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom........-2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5 in the rain....................+7

but return with beer.............................................. ...............-1

and no pads.............................................. ...................... .-25



You check out a suspicious noise at night....................+1

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing........ 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something...+5

You pummel it with a six iron............................................+1 0

It's her cat............................................... ...................... ...-40



AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party......................... 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a school drinking buddy...............-2

Named Tiffany........................................... ..............-20

Tiffany is a dancer............................................ .......-50

With breast implants.......................................... ....-100



HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday...................................... +1

You buy a card and flowers......................................... +2

You take her out to dinner........................................... +5

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.........+6

Okay, it is a sports bar...............................................-20

And it's all-you-can-eat night.......................................-30

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team..............-40



A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal............................................... ........... 0

The pal is happily married.......................................+1

The pal is single............................................ ........-10

He drives a Ferrari........................................... ......-20

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).........-30



A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie............................................. ..+2

You take her to a movie she likes.................................+5

You take her to a movie you hate..................................+8

You take her to a movie you like....................................-5

It's called Death Cop III............................................... .-10

Which features Cyborgs that eat humans......................-15

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-20



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly..........................................-15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts........-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."............-1000



THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding.........................-10

You reply, "Where?"..................................-35

You reply, "No, I think it's your big butt!".......... Game Over- You lose

[MADLUX]

[tdriver1959]

know wonder i have been running a negative number

[CharismaticEvil]

Well damn, I always knew the rules applied to most females, but from what I can tell, they also apply to some men. My hubby asked me last night "So what'a ya think?" He wanted to know if I liked the dinner he cooked using dollar store crappola ingredients. I paused, set my fork down on to my plate, laid my plate down, and turned to look at him with a smile that foretold of the coming response. "It's edible", I replied. His expression was a masterpiece of sarrow hidden behind a haphazzard smile. To this I replied, "What? I thought you wanted me to be honest!" Which I always have been. Yes sirrey bob, no dancing around the issue, cutesy wording in this female. You want my opinion? You better be ready for it, it may not be nice!