How to avoid being shot by the police!
Responding to the newspaper editorial, a Los Angeles Deputy District
Attorney, who is obviously community minded submitted a five-point
plan.
The plan is designed to assist citizens, who might otherwise be
randomly shot by police, in staying out of the path of police bullets. The
newspaper never printed it, but I thought you might appreciate it, even if
they didn't.
1. DON'T COMMIT VIOLENT CRIMES. It seems elementary, but this rule is
lost on many folks. They do the crime, get shot, and then wonder how it
could possibly happen? They whine that it is so unfair. Well, Slick, violent
crime, like jumping in front of moving cars, is just a high-risk occupation, and, in case you missed it, committing violent crime makes police officers think you might not be a good person.
2. If you ignore rule No. 1, and the police confront you, DON'T RUN
AWAY FROM THEM. I know it's hard to believe, but that may make them think you're guilty of something. Hiding in bushes or closets makes some
cops (mostly older ones) very nervous. They might even foolishly conclude that you're up to no good!
3. If you disregard rules 1 and 2, and the cops catch up with you
anyway and inform you that you are under arrest, DON'T MAKE FAST MOVEMENTS WITH YOUR HANDS. I know it sounds silly, but grabbing a shiny beer can, a dark-colored wallet, or one of those snazzy and real-looking replica guns may make police officers mistakenly believe that you are about to hurt them.
4. If you disregard rules 1, 2, and 3, and manage to get what looks
like a deadly weapon into your hands, DON'T POINT IT AT THE COPS. We all know that you're basically a nice person, but that may be lost on the
police officers confronting you. In their paranoia, they may even believe
they need to protect themselves.
5. If you disregard rules 1, 2, 3, and 4, DON'T BE ASTONISHED IF THE
COPS DO NOT INSTANTLY TURN INTO YOUR PERSONAL CONFIDANTE. They may be too preoccupied to realize that you're normally a splendid person and that you're just having a bad day. They may be too preoccupied to see that when you point a weapon at them in a threatening manner, it is just your way of crying out for help. We both know that the whole problem can be traced to the fact that your mother didn't breast feed you, but some police officers are so cynical
they just don't see it.
So, there you have it. If you really apply yourself and obey even some
of the rules listed above, I bet you'll avoid the vast majority of police
gunfire.
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