Hope I don't get smacked in the head for this one

[yoopr]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone

Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Biatch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH


1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

[Jackrabbit379]

Pretty good. No smacky here. :P

[traveler15301]

Pretty good. No smacky here. :P

Come over here...I got smacked just for laughing at it.....


And I'm sure she has plenty more where that came from!!!

[yoopr]

Pretty good. No smacky here. :P

Come over here...I got smacked just for laughing at it.....


And I'm sure she has plenty more where that came from!!!

LOL-that'll teach you for reading my jokes

[traveler15301]

LOL-that'll teach you for reading my jokes

Read hell...I'm illejjerate.....I had to have her read it to me first!!!

[BanditsCousin]

I'll tack this on to "compliment" Yoopr's excellent post-

What women REALLY mean when they say....
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine."
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
WHATEVER
"Whatever :...( this is a woman's way of saying F- YOU!)

[RostyC]

I've been married a short time.....but long enough to know all the above is true.

Been married 2 times first wife was exactly what all those things said. Second wife total oppisite and I almost do not know what to do. Hard not to believe I am not ducking a frying pan every day coming at my head because I did not make something she wanted even thought she told me what I made was what she wanted that was wife 1. Now I no longer have to sleep with my eyes open to make sure I am going to wake up in the morning. Finally getting sleep after 5 years of marriage to wife one man I am tired.

[WildK9]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH


1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

What women REALLY mean when they say....
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine."
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
WHATEVER
"Whatever :...( this is a woman's way of saying F- YOU!)

i know how 2 do it! :wink: just read these to fiancee over the phone...she laughed her butt off, then said, "they used alot of my words and they know most women well!"

[heavenbound]

BanditsCousin...............that is too funny and very true.

[shyykatt]

Oh whatever you guyz!

(J/K!)

[Useless]

Her Beauty was such that she would stop the hands of time...

translation=She was ugly enought to stop a clock on a downtown bank building!!

[yoopr]

When a woman says FINE to you it's like getting hit by a Brick :P

[Bluesman]

Great post Yoopr !! My wife has been very supportive of me going to school to get my Cdl . Keeps telling me how happy she is about it. Now that I am leaving for school in the morning she has stopped talking to me. I'm Happy for you = no sex before you leave.

[repete]

Great post Yoopr !! My wife has been very supportive of me going to school to get my Cdl . Keeps telling me how happy she is about it. Now that I am leaving for school in the morning she has stopped talking to me. I'm Happy for you = no sex before you leave.

Yeah but wait till ya get home :!:

[CharismaticEvil]

Very cool guys, love the light humor, we females should learn to laugh more, and most of what you guys said is very true. As to the sex posts right above this one, get it while you can man! I had a sweet sex life prior to becoming a trucker, and somewhere along the line, we stopped being intimate, and drifted apart. My sex life now isn't even a shadow of what it was, and I find myself wondering WTF? When did this happen?!!